Jabberwocky
by KittyUK
Summary: Jol greetings MASC! When Sportacus is called out of town unexpectedly, Robbie's plan to find out what he's up to goes horribly wrong. A zany action comedy where everyone acts out of character, written to challenge as a Jol present for the King of Comedy
1. Authors Note

**Before we begin…**

I usually put the Author's Note at the end of the story, but just for once I think I need to do a little explaining before we get started.

"Jabberwocky" is part of a Christmas story exchange with MASC - the King of Comedy and a mainstay of the LT fandom, who certainly doesn't need me to sell you on his completely engaging blend of humour, violence and a moderate-to-severe obsession with The Eagles. I am happy to confess that I shamelessly begged him to do more of the Rotten family, as seen in "Kingdom of the Shadow Dragon", which (being the sweet, obliging Southern boy he is) he kindly agreed to do. In return, he asked me to write him what he described as "a zany action comedy where everyone acts out of character and is generally a bit unlike themselves".

Comedy for the King of Comedy. Erm, okey-dokey then…

Over the course of a few emails, he then added the following extra exciting requirements:

- The story had to fit in with the continuity I'd set up in Theory of Everything/On the Flip Side/After the Rain

- Stephanie had to do some serious ass-kicking, while maintaining her essentially ladylike demeanour

- Ziggy had to have a starring role

- It had to feature one of the OCs from MASC's universe - my pick

I also rather arbitrarily decided that it should be a bridge-piece that segues into a potential sequel to "After The Rain" that is slowly cooking (or possibly just burning to a cinder) somewhere in the back of my brain. The Carrollian theme was likewise entirely my own theft, and arose from a morbid fascination with Tenniel's illustration of the Jabberwocky in _Through the Looking-Glass_.

I should therefore warn you right now, therefore, that this story will probably not make all that much sense unless you've read 1) my previous LT stories 2) MASC's previous LT stories and 3) both _Alice in Wonderland_, and _Through the Looking Glass And What Alice Found There_. (A passing acquaintance with Jeff Noon's work probably wouldn't go amiss either.) I totally appreciate that this narrows the potential audience somewhat, for which I do most sincerely apologise; but what can I tell you? This is what the man asked me for, and I wrote it just for him. Some people want socks; but those people are boring.

So. If you read "Jabberwocky" and find yourself thinking "Huh? What the - ? What on _earth _is she talking about - ? And where the hell did that come from - ?" then it's probably either a continuity point from a previous fiction, a cross-over from MASC's LT universe, or else just some ridiculous in-joke. And, erm, there might be rather a lot of them. I'm just saying. "Jabberwocky" is by far the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written in my life, but I loved every minute of it. MASC, thank you for asking me to do it, because writing it was a completely joyful experience from start to finish.

Last of all, I think I should offer my thanks and apologies to Mr Lewis Carroll and Mr Jeff Noon, on whose broad and mighty shoulders I've had the almighty cheek to stand for a while, looking for things to steal, and generally admiring the view into life on the other side of the mirror.

All clear? Still with me? Vurt feathers wedged firmly down our throats? Everyone know where their towel is? Then hold onto your hats, because here we go…


	2. Prologue Brillig

**Prologue - Brillig**

"_The piece I'm going to repeat," he went on without noticing her remark, "was written entirely for your amusement."_

_(Humpty Dumpty to Alice, _Through the Looking-Glass)

_-----_

They cowered together in a huddle in the near-darkness of the bunker, white-faced and wide-eyed. Above them, the monster raged and roared. The ground shook around them with the force of its rage.

"What the hell are we going to do?" asked Stingy at last.

"Send Ziggy out there," said Robbie firmly.

"What? Are you completely insane?"

"You'll go, won't you, Ziggy?"

"Sure will," said Ziggy, trying to sound confident.

"No, you bloody won't," said Trixie firmly. "You're not going out there, you're too - "

"Too what?" cried Ziggy passionately. "Too young? Too dumb? For God's sake, when are you guys going to realise that two years younger doesn't make any difference any more? I'm strong enough, I'm brave enough, I'll give it my best shot - hey, Stephanie, come back - "

"No, don't you _dare_ -" Robbie shot across the room and made a grab for Stephanie's ankles as she disappeared up the ladder, clutching the sword to her chest. "Come back here, you silly girl, you're going to get yourself _killed _- and _he__'__ll_ never forgive me - come to that, I'll never forgive myself - " He scrabbled frantically up the rungs after her and seized her around the waist.

"Let go of me," she said, struggling.

"Not a chance, Barbie."

"Someone has to go."

"It's not going to be you."

"Why not? You were going to let Ziggy go."

"Ziggy," hissed Robbie between gritted teeth, "is desperate to prove himself. Besides - he's expendable. You're not."

She stared at him in complete disbelief. Then she kicked out sharply with her right foot. Robbie fell off the ladder and landed on the floor, doubled over in agony.

"Christ, Barbie," he gasped, writhing with pain, "it's a good thing I wasn't planning - _ouch_ - on having any children - " he glared around him at the cluster of people. "Can't one of _you_ stop her? Do I have to do _everything _around here?"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry - " Stingy leapt over Robbie and ran to the bottom of the ladder, but it was too late. Stephanie scrabbled up the remaining rungs of the ladder and opened the lid of the hatch.

A spine-chilling scream of triumph echoed around the room below.


	3. Chapter One Beware

_**Chapter One - Beware**_

"_The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be Master. That's all."_

-----

(Lazytown, just after dawn on November 4th)

Stephanie, Sportacus and Emma were having breakfast in the kitchen when the letter arrived. She could feel him watching her anxiously as she moved about the kitchen, pausing every now and then to devour another slice of lemon. He tried hard not to seem too obvious about it, but he was continually taking heavy saucepans and boxes from her, encouraging her to rest whenever possible, dropping in on her dance classes to make sure she wasn't working too hard…

"You don't have to worry so much, you know," she said suddenly.

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking defensive.

"I can feel you watching me, all the time," she said, smiling. "It's all right. Really. I'm only ten weeks in. It's going to be fine."

He smiled back at her, but she could see the worry in his eyes.

"That is _exactly _what you said last time," he pointed out.

She glanced over at Emma, who had poured some of her milk onto the table, and was carefully dropping pieces of cereal into it, then sticking them to her cheeks, singing to herself as she did so.

"And didn't it turn out absolutely fine?"

"I don't believe in tempting Fate." He put his arms around her waist and sat her on his knee. "I wish there was some way I could…"

The letter fell out of nowhere and landed on the table. He looked at it sharply, and then picked it up.

"What is it?"

"Something from home," he said, breaking the large red seal that held the envelope shut. "Sweetheart, forgive me, I have to read this…"

"No problem." She got off his knee and began to clear the dishes.

His exclamation of surprise made her jump.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"I…" he hesitated. "I have to go back home." She looked at him in shock. "If you don't mind, I mean. I'll be gone for a couple of weeks, I think, maybe a little longer. I - I don't think it would be a good idea to take you or Emma…"

"No, of course I don't mind, you know that, we'll miss you, but we'll manage… What's happened? Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I think so…well, no, not really." He sighed. "It's hard to explain."

"One of those things you can't talk about?"

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged.

"Will you ever be able to tell me?"

"It's not that I don't want to…it's just that - "

"I know, I get it. It's okay."

"No, it isn't, or you wouldn't look that way." He put his arms around her. "I'm truly sorry. I wish I could explain more."

"Even though I'm your wife, you still can't tell me?" She saw the hurt in his face, and felt guilty. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I _know _it's not fair of me to nag about it."

"Well, it's not fair on you either, for me to leave you when you're tired and sick and - Stephanie, will you at least tell everyone that you're pregnant, so they can take care of you while I'm gone?"

"No. Absolutely not. It's too soon. And besides, they'll just fuss and worry and - "

"Good, because that is what I _want_ them to do while I'm not here. Please, Stephanie."

"Look, if I feel like I need some help, I'll tell them, okay?" She kissed him to silence his protests. "When do you need to leave?"

-----

"Marie?"

"It's really early, Ziggy," she sighed.

"I know, but I just wanted to ask you something…"

Marie turned uncomfortably around in the single bed, pushing her long hair away from her sloe-black eyes.

"All right, I'm awake. What's on your mind, babe?"

"It's your birthday next week."

"That's not a question, Ziggy."

"No, I know that. It's just - I was wondering…if…will you let me take you out somewhere special? Just the two of us?"

She looked at him in disbelief, and laughed softly.

"You're so _cute_, Ziggy, do you know that?"

"No, I'm not. I'm _not _cute."

"Yes, you are. Cute and adorable."

"You make me sound exactly like a dog." He chewed moodily on his thumbnail.

"Well, now you mention it…" she chuckled. "We've been going steady for months and months. I'm _here in your bed_ - your incredibly uncomfortable single bed - right this minute. In fact, I sneaked in here after dark, through a second-floor window I might add, just so that we could spend the night together. You don't need to ask me for permission to take me out on my birthday, okay? I'd be pretty disappointed if you didn't." She laughed again. "Honestly, Ziggy, you're so sweet, and so ridiculous."

"I wish you'd take me seriously," he said despairingly.

She tried to ruffle his hair, and he ducked his head crossly out of the way.

"I _do_ take you seriously," she said, smiling. Then she saw the expression on his face, and the corners of her mouth twitched. "Just…you know, not _that _seriously."

"Why not? What's wrong with me? I'm intelligent, I'm good company, I know I'm not gorgeous, but I'm not hideous or anything. I get on well with your friends. I've got good earnings potential - I'm doing a degree in _dentistry_, for God's sake. How can you not take me seriously?"

Marie laughed.

"You're completely adorable, honey. That's why I love you so much. Now let's go back to sleep."

He looked at her mutinously from under his floppy blonde hair.

-----

"It's too early," murmured Trixie, without opening her eyes.

"Too early for what?" asked Stingy, stretching out an arm and pressing the button on the alarm.

"Too early for _anything._ Go back to sleep."

"It's a quarter to seven."

"Exactly," she sighed, pulling it back again with her slim, dainty feet. "Lie down and stop fretting. It's far too early to get up."

"You're only saying that because you didn't come to bed until three," he reminded her, lying back down next to her nevertheless, and running his fingers gently over her smooth white arm where it lay outside the duvet.

"Calliope's a tough mistress," she murmured, her eyes still tightly closed.

"You were up until that hour writing _epic poetry_?" He snuggled closer to her, fitting himself carefully around the warm, welcoming curve of her body as she lay with her back to him.

"Is that who she is? Damn. Knew I'd picked the wrong muse. Couldn't crack the love scene for _Lovers and Losers_…which one should it have been?"

Stingy considered, still softly stroking her arm and shoulder.

"Erato, probably," he said at last. "I don't know, really, it's not my field."

Trixie turned and squinted at him through her eyelashes, surprised.

"Well, clearly not," she said mockingly. "You just happen to have the names of all the Greek muses at your fingertips. There's nothing more attractive than a well-read man, you know that? Anyway, I nailed it in the end, with or without the help of Erato… nearly killed me but I nailed it…oh, that feels nice…" Stingy had moved her thick black hair away from the base of her neck and begun gently kissing her. "I thought it was time for you to get up."

"I'll make time for this," he whispered, his hands growing bolder and more insistent. "If you're going to write about it, you should stay in practice, don't you think?"

"That's a lovely idea, sweetie, but I'm too tired right now…how about you come home at lunchtime instead?"

"Can't. Got a meeting. Come on, Trix, please…don't turn me down. You can just…lie here, if you like…and let me be good to you." One hand slid over her ribcage, cupped her breast and then pinched her nipple, firmly and lingeringly, and she murmured and wriggled with pleasure. "Oh, God, Trix, you drive me wild, do you know that?" His lips moving over her neck were warm and eager.

She turned over and smiled at him.

"Save it until lunchtime."

"Why not now? _Please._ I want you so much."

She raised an eyebrow.

"So I can feel, Mr Millionaire."

"Don't make me beg, please…"

"Would you? If that was what I wanted?"

"Probably, yes. Why? _Is _that what you want? Because I'll beg, Trix, I mean it - "

"What I want - " she sighed - "is to go back to sleep. Sorry."

He stopped stroking her and glared.

"Oh, come on. Be reasonable."

"I'm never reasonable. You should know that by now."

"Then be _nice_. Please, honey…"

"And I'm never nice either. Nothing doing. You want me? Come home at lunchtime. I'll be showered, with clean hair, ready and waiting to do whatever you want to do."

"I don't care about clean hair. I'd rather have you just as you are now, you always look perfect to me… besides, I _can't_, I told you, I've got this meeting. It's Red Giant, for God's sake!"

"Well, then I guess you're just in for a lonely and sexually frustrated day, aren't you, Mr Millionaire, because I am _far too tired_ to do anything about it now..." She yawned, and closed her eyes.

He watched her longingly for a minute, then sighed and reached for his mobile phone, making sure the cone of silence was activated.

"Pixel?" he whispered. "Yes, I _know_ what time it is, sorry…is there any chance of you handling the meeting with Red Giant this lunchtime?…What? Oh, it's just… something's come up…" he replayed this in his head, and winced. "Yuck. No, I'm fine, just a - poor choice of words. So, can you do it?…Oh, _please_, just this once? Look, Pixel, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important…Okay. Fair enough. Well…"

He looked down at Trixie, now fast asleep beside him. Her hair spilled across the pillow, and he could just see the curve of one small, dainty breast where the duvet had slid down over her shoulder. She stirred a little in her sleep, and the duvet slid a little lower…

"I tell you what," he said with sudden decision, "can you ask Sophie to call them to reschedule?…yes, I _know_ what I said, but…look, if they're keen they'll reschedule. If they're not then we don't want to work with them anyway…thanks, Pixel. Sorry again to wake you. See you in a couple of hours." He closed the phone up, wandered across the huge, sunlit bedroom to the wet-room and turned on the water. Hot water streamed out of the walls, floor and ceiling, pummelling and drenching him and filling the room with steam.

"The Eagles, _Witchy Woman_," he said to the voice-recognition speaker Pixel had installed in the ceiling, and reached for the shower gel.

"Is that a hint?" whispered Trixie teasingly just behind him, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"I thought you were asleep!" he said furiously, as she twined herself around him. "I've just rescheduled my meeting so I could come home for lunch!"

"Really? Fantastic. Come home at lunchtime as well."

"_What? _Oh, for God's sake, Trixie, don't _do _this, it's not fair, I've been waiting weeks and weeks to meet Red Giant…"

She looked up at him mischievously and shook her wet hair back from her face.

"Well, if you think you're not up to twice in one day, I can always go back to bed and you can call Pixel and tell him the meeting's back on. Just let me know."

He glared at her, anger mingling with raw need.

"So it's twice or nothing?"

"One should do everything in excess," she murmured, her hands expertly busy. Then she stopped, turned away and opened the tiled wet-room door. "Unless you want me to stop, of course…?"

He grabbed her arm hastily.

"Don't you even _think_ about going anywhere…oh, God, Trixie, that's amazing…"

The bottle of shower gel fell to the floor and rolled away into the corner. Above and around them, the sounds of _Witchy Woman_ filled the air.

-----

"Who was that?" asked Sophie sleepily, putting her arms around Pixel.

"Stingy. He wants to cancel the meeting this lunchtime."

"Really? But he's been waiting for it for weeks. I wonder why."

"I don't know. It's usually something to do with Trixie, but…" Pixel sighed. "Er - Sophie - since we're both awake, can I talk to you about something?"

She turned onto her side and patted his arm kindly. He looked at her in silence for a moment, admiring the fall of cornsilk blonde hair that spilled over her shoulders, and sighed in satisfaction.

"What?" she asked him.

"I'm really lucky," he said simply.

"Yes, you are. Was that what you wanted to talk about?"

"No." He hesitated. "Look - you know how Stingy's always saying I'm not fit to live in the real world?"

"Well, darling, he's right. You're _not _fit to live in the real world…but that's okay, because we don't, we live in Lazytown."

"Lazytown is real."

"Yes, I know. But it's…special."

"I suppose. Anyway. The thing is…he makes me show all my inventions to someone else before I'm allowed to give them to anyone."

She looked at him in amusement.

"And what happens if you don't?"

"I'm in trouble," said Pixel threw back her head and laughed.

"Pixel, you and Stingy are not ten years old any more. You know that, right? You're a grown man. So is he." She smiled fondly at him. "Tell me some of the times it's gone wrong in the past."

"Well, there was this Lie-detector thing I made for a party once," he admitted. "It set off an alarm whenever someone told a lie."

"And what happened?"

("All this time you've been making it up about the moon-rocks! How about that thing in a jar you said you found in Area Fifty-One?" "I _did _find it there, I _swear _to you -" (loud buzzing sound) "_Damn _it, and I thought you'd really been! You _bastard_!")

"It - well, it caused a Frat House riot, to be honest. And then there were the intelligent dolls, I was going to give Emma one for her birthday…they were kind of scary, actually. Stingy was really upset…"

("Dear God, Pixel. Look at them _marching_. Where the hell are they going? We have to stop them…oh, I don't _believe_ this - there's three _missing_! What are we going to _do_?")

Sophie shuddered.

"Oh, and there was this really cool stuff I came up with once, called Euphoria. It was supposed to make you feel better when things weren't going so well. It worked fine on me, but…"

("Pixel," said Robbie menacingly, coming out of the bathroom and pointing a long, thin finger in his direction, "when I get over the effects of this _hideous _stuff, I swear I am _coming for you_ - oh, for God's sake, not _again_…" he staggered back into the bathroom and closed the door.)

"Sweetie, are you serious? _Drugs_?"

"Well, Stingy's always telling me I should be more people-focused. And I thought about all the money people spend on the illegal stuff…I just thought they might like something that's safe, harmless and non-addictive that does the same thing."

She laughed. "Well, I suppose you have a point, of sorts… Er - is there any special reason that this is on your mind right now?"

"Well, the thing is," he said hesitantly, "I had a request from someone. Ziggy wants to ask Marie to marry him."

"_Ziggy_ wants to get married?" Sophie looked surprised.

"What? What's wrong with that?"

"He just seems…kind of young."

"He's only two years younger than me."

"Is that all? Yes, I suppose it must be. He just seems…younger, somehow."

"Yes, I suppose. But anyway…he wants the proposal to be perfect. So he asked me to make him something that would show him her dreams, so he could understand her better and know what she really wants."

"And you can do that?"

"Oh, that's no problem," said Pixel absently, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. "It's finished, actually. It's just…I haven't run it by Stingy yet, is all."

"And it works?"

"Yep."

"How do you know…? Oh, Pixel, you _didn't…_" She looked at him in horror.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. She slapped him crossly on the arm, then paused.

"So…what did you learn?"

He looked at her seriously.

"I never knew you were that interested in George Clooney."

"Trust me. _All _women dream about George from time to time." She kissed his shoulder thoughtfully. "Pixel, honey, I know you and Stingy have been friends since forever, but, you don't have to show him absolutely everything. You could ask me."

"I _am_ asking you," protested Pixel.

"Only once you've already finished it. Or - and I admit this is a radical idea - you could just trust your own judgement."

Pixel considered this.

("Pixel," said Sportacus, putting his head around the door of the lab and smiling, "I don't know if this is something you might be able to help with, but did you know that all the trees in Lazytown Park are covered with cold spaghetti?…Ah. I thought it might be something to do with you…How did I know? Oh…I just…had a feeling…")

"I sometimes think Stingy might have a point, to be honest," he said gloomily.

"You're great," said Sophie fondly.

"I'm an idiot."

"You just need a bit more confidence. Why don't you start by taking that meeting with Red Giant by yourself?"

"No! No chance, the money-man's coming. They scare the hell out of me."

-----

"Robbie? Are you awake?"

"Awake? Of course I'm not awake. The sun's only just up, I've barely got a _pulse_."

"You're talking in your sleep?"

"You'd better pray that I am, David, because if I'm awake then I'm going to be very, very angry with you for making me that way. Shut up and go back to sleep."

"I've got to go to Metropolis, remember?"

"Have you? Oh yes, so you have. All right, then, off you go. _Quietly_."

"Will you be all right while I'm away?"

"I think I'll manage to entertain myself, David, thank you."

"And you'll eat properly and everything?"

"Not a chance. Now go away. I'll see you in two days."


	4. Chapter Two Bandersnatch

**Chapter Two - Bandersnatch**

"_I never ask advice about growing," Alice said indignantly._

"_Too proud?" enquired Humpty Dumpty._

-----

_(Lazytown, 4__th__ November, around one o'clock)_

Robbie opened the door crossly.

"_What?_ Oh, for God's sake, it's _you. _Must you? It's only just gone one. I haven't had the chance to sleep this late since David moved in…" he leaned against the door and yawned. "Or did you just want to see me in my dressing-gown?"

"I need to ask you a favour," said Sportacus intrepidly.

Robbie stared at him incredulously.

"You need to - you need to - you have to be _kidding_ me. Okay, let's see if I can guess." He stroked his chin. "You got a parking-ticket for that air-ship of yours and you want me to help you make it go away. You need some help with your ironing. You lost your house keys. You want me to kill someone for you - oh, no, sorry, _that__'__s _probably not all that funny, really, is it? You've finally realised that sitting on the couch watching TV is more fun than coaching stupid small children on Sunday afternoons and you want to invite yourself round to my place…"

"I want you to take care of Stephanie for me."

Robbie laughed very loudly, then stopped.

"That sounds rather serious and alarming. Why can't you do it yourself? And what makes you think _I__'__m_ the best person to ask?"

"I can't do it myself because I need to be…out of town for a while. And I'm asking you because…"

"Because you've never trusted me around her, and that makes you think maybe I might have a soft spot for her too," said Robbie, smiling. "Oh, I just _love _it when I manage to touch a raw nerve like that…astonishing. You're on the doorstep of the house I share with my boyfriend, and you're _still _doubting the purity of my intentions. When will you _learn _that I am _not interested in your wife_?"

"_When you stop behaving as if you are._"

They stared at each other.

"All right," said Robbie unexpectedly, and yawned. "You got a deal. And I won't even ask for anything in return. I must be losing my touch."

"Thank you. I'm grateful."

"Don't be. I'm only agreeing because I want to go back to bed. Now go away. I'm tired."

_-----_

"Can I come in?" Ziggy stuck his head around the door of Six Thousand Ideas offices.

Sophie smiled. "Ziggy! It's lovely to see you. Who were you looking for?"

"Pixel," said Ziggy, looking shifty.

"Well, he's in there with Stingy. They're having a - "

"Big row?"

"I was _going_ to say _meeting_, but yes, _big row _probably covers it," sighed Sophie. "They got into this huge fight about some new…_thing__…_Pixel's built…I've been wondering whether I ought to go in there and break it up, but I don't like to get in the way."

"Which thing is it?" asked Ziggy, trying to seem casual.

"I don't know," said Sophie vaguely, then remembered her conversation with Pixel that morning. She looked at Ziggy and gave him a huge wink. "Or maybe I do. Don't worry, Ziggy, I'm sure he'll still give it to you."

Ziggy tiptoed across the office and opened the door to Pixel's lab.

"I'm just saying," shouted Stingy -

"You're _not_ just saying!" protested Pixel. "You're shouting! And threatening me with physical violence!"

"Okay, so I'm just saying _loudly_, because if I say it in a _normal_ voice you don't seem to _hear _me, that I _don__'__t want you messing about in people__'__s heads! _It's just - it's - it's just a terrible idea, okay?"

"I don't see why! It could help make things better!"

"_What _things, Pixel? What things could it make better? Tell me, because I'd absolutely love to hear! _How _is the world a better place because you now have a device that allows you to see into people's dreams? Hmm? What did _you_ dream about last night? Anyone you know? Anyone _I_ know? Anything you want to share with the world?" He paused for breath. "Why did you build it, anyway?"

By the door, Ziggy looked apprehensive.

"I just thought it would be interesting," said Pixel crossly. "Why does it matter?"

Stingy sighed.

"Look," he said, trying to soften his voice. "I know _you _don't mean any harm. You never do. You're just about the nicest man I know. It's just that - just that - look, you remember the colour-change t-shirts?"

"I thought they were _great_."

"And they _would _have been, if everyone was as sweet as you. But - oh, Pixel, you gave a load of girls' t-shirts to the surfer dudes and told them they could surprise their girlfriends by making it change colour at the touch of a button, what did you _think _was going to happen?"

"How was I supposed to know that see-through counted as a colour?" muttered Pixel.

"That's the point. You're just not _nasty _enough to judge. You _have _to show stuff to me, okay? And you have to get used to the idea that sometimes, I'm going to say no." He paused. "And I'm saying no to this - whatever it is you're calling it."

"The DreamWeaver 6000," said Pixel proudly.

"That's such a great name," said Stingy wistfully. "I wonder if…maybe for medical applications…no. Sorry. Forget I said anything." He glanced at his watch. "Oh, hell, now I'm late…I have to - go out for lunch, okay? I'll see you later. Did Sophie call Red Giant?"

"It's sorted," said Pixel, looking evasive.

"Already? Good. When have they rescheduled for?"

"I don't know, we'll talk about it later. Go on, you'll be late. Where are you going, anyway?"

Stingy blushed a fiery red.

"Never mind."

"Why are you looking so guilty?" asked Pixel curiously. "Oh my God, you're not having an affair, are you?"

Stingy laughed.

"Even if I wanted to, I don't think I've got the energy. See you later." He opened the door wide, ran out and cannoned into Ziggy, hovering behind the door. "Jesus, what _now _- oh, it's you, Ziggy. Hello. Were you looking for me? You're not borrowing my Aston again, by the way, not after last time."

"_Hiring_ your Aston, you mean. And I _said_ I was sorry - "

"You filled it with toffee wrappers! And I don't even want to _think _about what you did to get the upholstery in that state - "

"I wanted Pixel, actually," said Ziggy with dignity. "But…actually, since you're here…how did you propose to Trixie, Stingy?"

"In a suite at the Carlton in New York." He winced at the memory. "She turned me down. Then again in the old castle, when she was too hung-over to refuse. Why?"

"No reason," said Ziggy, sighing, "Bye, Stingy." He ducked when Stingy tried to ruffle his hair. "I _wish_ you wouldn't do that, I'm - "

"See you later," said Stingy absently.

" - actually a grown man, now, you know," said Ziggy to Stingy's retreating back. "Hey, Pixel. Did you - did I hear Stingy telling you off for making that - thing that I asked for?"Pixel smiled conspiratorially and took something that looked like a miniature DVD player out of a drawer.

"Just one thing," he said warningly. "If you find that all she dreams about is George Clooney…well, just try not to take it too personally, okay?"

"You're a star," said Ziggy, fervently. "I'll do your dental check-ups for free for the next twenty years."

Pixel followed him out into the hallway. Waiting in the reception area were a smiling, oily-haired man in a blue suit and a tall, elegant woman.

"Mr Wright," said the man, holding out a hand. "Good to meet you at last. I'm Nick Smith, the licensing manager for Red Giant, and this young lady is Ruby Harding from our engineering team." He looked around the room. "Is - is Mr Hughes not joining us?"

"Not today," said Pixel airily. "Don't worry, I can speak for both of us."

There was a fractional pause, then Nick smiled widely. Pixel thought of sharks, and swallowed.

"No worries," said Nick, showing all of his sharp white teeth. "Absolutely no worries _at all_."

-----

Ziggy wandered aimlessly across the town, frowning ferociously. He was so focused on the toes of his battered sneakers that he walked straight into Sportacus, coming out of the Mayor's office with an uncharacteristically harassed expression on his face.

"Sorry," said Ziggy automatically. "Hey, it's you! Hello! How are you?"

Sportacus smiled, but Ziggy could see that he was worried.

"I'm doing fine, Ziggy. How are you?"

Ziggy shrugged.

"Oh, I'm okay," he said gloomily, hoping the other man would ask more questions. But Sportacus simply smiled absently and patted his shoulder.

"Glad to hear it. If you'll excuse me, Ziggy, I have to be somewhere - "

"Is everything all right?" asked Ziggy, jolted out of his mood of self-pity. "Hey, what happened to your crystal? And your uniform? God, I've _never _seen you without your uniform, that's so weird…"

"I have to be out of town for a couple of weeks."

"_Really_?" Ziggy stared. "Why?"

"I - it - something from home," he said. "Nothing to worry about, I hope, but - I can't afford to be distracted while - I hate having to leave the town without protection, but unfortunately there really isn't any other way - "

"You left Stephanie in charge once," said Ziggy, trying to be helpful.

"So I did…but not when she's - " he stopped, and bit his lip. "Not this time. But thank you for the thought." Sportacus turned to leave.

Ziggy looked at him blankly.

"Not this time? Is she all right?"

"I'm very sorry, Ziggy, I would love to talk, but I am already late - "

"I could do it," said Ziggy hopefully. "I've got nothing on this afternoon. I could get some time off from college."

Sportacus looked at him and smiled kindly.

"That's a very generous offer, Ziggy, but I don't think so. I'm sure the town will be fine just for once." He patted him on the shoulder again. "Have a wonderful day. Maybe I'll catch you when I get back, okay?" He vaulted lightly over the bench. "Ladder!" he called, and disappeared up into the airship.

"Sucks, doesn't it," said Robbie, suddenly appearing from behind a wall.

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Ziggy crossly.

"Even _he _doesn't take you seriously, does he? And he's easily the nicest man in town. He sees the good in _everyone_…so what does it mean that he still acts like you're six years old?"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Oh, _yes_. That's what I'm famed for, isn't it? Making people feel better. _How_ long have you known me? Good God, no wonder that you're not making much progress with that pretty little minx you hanker after, like the mooncalf you are…"

"She's _not_ a minx." Ziggy paused. "And I'm not a mooncalf! Stop it, Robbie! You're completely horrible!"

"She is, I am, and you are. Cow-eyed look on your face, still a bit skinny and lacking in muscles, weighed down by the tragic burden of your virginity..."

"You're in no position to talk," said Ziggy with spirit. "You're just as skinny as I am. _And_ you're funny-looking. And older than me. And not in a cool way, either, you're older like someone's dad. And just for the record, I am _not _- not that it matters, I wouldn't be ashamed if I was, but since you ask - anyway, let's just say that I know more about women than you do, all right?"

"I seriously doubt that," said Robbie calmly.

"Ha. You're _gay_. What would you know?"

Robbie smiled wickedly.

"The difference, young mooncalf, is that _I could if I wanted to_. Whereas you've been hankering after her for years, and you only managed to finally put it to her this past summer... I've seen glaciers that made more progress over time than you did. Admit it. If I made a serious play for that sleek little kitten of yours, I imagine I'd get further in twenty minutes than you got in months."

Ziggy looked at Robbie, long and lean and charming, confident and at ease in his skin, and sighed to himself. _He's probably right_, he thought to himself. _Even a gay man in his forties has more pulling power than I do…still can't believe she's with me…what the hell does she see in me, anyway?_

"Is there something you want?" he asked wearily, feeling all the fight drain out of him.

Robbie shrugged.

"Just passing the time with an old friend. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry."

"You're _what_?" Ziggy looked at him incredulously.

"You heard. Don't worry, I don't mean it. I'm only saying it to get under your guard. Want a toffee?" He held out a crumpled paper hesitated, then took one.

"Thanks."

They sat down side by side on the bench and waited for their jaws to unglue so they could speak again.

"Aren't you going to lecture me about cavities?" asked Robbie indistinctly.

"Would you listen if I did?"

"_Of course_ I wouldn't. No-one ever listens to you. In fact, most of the time no-one even notices you." Robbie offered Ziggy the bag of toffees again. "No-one apart from me, of course, but then I notice everyone. So, why don't you let me give you some advice?"

Ziggy tried to protest, but found his teeth were glued together with toffee.

"I know you're getting ready to propose to your girlfriend," continued Robbie. Ziggy's eyes bulged. "I also know you got that idiot-savant in there to build you a really rather fabulous little device to let you see into her dreams, although I can assure you you're in for a _tragic _disappointment if you think there's going to be anything useful in there. George Clooney, nakedness in public places, and a whole lot of nonsense about shoes and flying, I think you'll find. When it comes to proposing, I'd just stick to the basics. Get her drunk and wave a large diamond under her nose. Works every time." Robbie stood up and stretched.

"Why are you giving me advice?" asked Ziggy, frantically swallowing toffee.

"Because I feel guilty," said Robbie with a brilliant smile.

"Why? What have you done?"

"Check your pockets," advised Robbie, sauntering off down the street. Ziggy looked after him blankly, then put his hand in his pocket.

"You utter _bastard_!" he screamed in frustration. From the other end of the street, Robbie waved the DreamWeaver victoriously over his head, and disappeared hastily. Ziggy considered trying to catch him, but decided it was a waste of time.

_I'm a total failure_, he thought moodily, and returned to kicking his sneakers restlessly along the pavement._ I'm so stupid even Robbie can fool me without even trying. Maybe Sportacus could - oh wait, he's not here, is he? Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn…_

-----

Stephanie and Emma were curled up in a chair in Emma's room, slowly turning over the pages of _Where's Spot?_

"Is he under the stairs?" asked Stephanie, kissing the top of Emma's head.

"No," said Emma. "Dat's a _lion_."

"That's right…good girl." She yawned. "Are you tired yet, baby? Shall we go for a nap?"

"No!"

"No? That's a shame."

"Read _Spot_," commanded Emma.

"All right, I'm sorry. Is he…under the bed?"

"No…"

"You didn't answer when I knocked," said Robbie, putting his head around the door, "So I invited myself in. I hope you don't mind." He smiled at her. "I gather your husband's out of town for a couple of weeks. How convenient for me. Here you are, all on your own, apart from your vile and precocious offspring, of course…and David is out of town for a two-day gig in Metropolis, so I'm all on my own, too…what _shall _we do to keep ourselves amused?"

Stephanie smiled back at him.

"How are you, Robbie?"

"_Bored_. He's only been gone for half an hour and already all the fun's gone out of the town. Who am I going to make a nuisance of myself to now? Looks like you're next in the firing-line, Barbie. Sorry, and all that." He looked her up and down. "You look tired."

"I'm fine," she said defensively.

"You don't look it. Has the brat been keeping you up at night?"

"Her name is Emma, and she can hear you perfectly well."

"Can she? So she can." Robbie looked at Emma severely. "Brat, have you been keeping your mother up at night?"

"No," said Emma solemnly.

"In that case maybe you're not eating properly. I've been telling you for years, healthy eating will kill you in the end. More sugar, that's what you need." Robbie rummaged in his pocket and offered a crumpled paper bag. "They're probably a bit warm, I'm afraid, but they should taste fine…"

Stephanie turned away hastily from the smell of warm, half-melted toffee, but it was too late. Without apology or explanation she thrust Emma into Robbie's arms and dashed into the bathroom to throw up.

As she bent over the sink, she felt someone draw her hair away from her face and put a comforting arm around her waist.

"Now, Barbie, I know I'm not the prettiest sight in town, but that's really not a nice way to greet your guests," said Robbie gently. "Good God, that's disgusting, what _have _you been eating? And they say fruit is good for you…" she staggered a little as she stood upright again, and he held her steady. "Take it easy now. Here, clean your teeth, you'll feel better. That's a good girl. I suppose this means you're pregnant again?"

Stephanie sighed.

"If you tell _anyone_ - "

"Why not? I know it may still come as a shock to your aunt that you have sex with your husband, but least you're married this time. Besides, it's about time something ruffled her feathers again, she's been quite _unbearably_ serene since she became Mayor."

"I just don't want everyone _fussing _and worrying and…"

"Holding your hair out of the way while you throw up in the sink? You're welcome, by the way, Barbie. Well, since it's you asking, I'll keep my mouth shut, but I imagine they're going to notice eventually, don't you?"

"It was just those disgusting toffees, that's all. I'm fine."

He snorted.

"Clearly. You should see yourself right now. Go and lie down. I'll watch the brat."

"Why?"

"Can't a man do something nice for an old friend once in a while?" He half-carried her into the bedroom.

"She's supposed to have a nap soon," said Stephanie doubtfully. Robbie smiled."A girl after my own heart."

"If you're sure - "

"I tell you what. I'll make a deal with you. I'll keep your secret if you promise not to tell _anyone _I babysat the brat for you. Apart from anything else, it would cause a hideous amount of heart-searching from your partner and mine…I'm surprised he didn't warn me to stay away from you while he's out of town."She smiled.

"Well…okay then. Just for half an hour. Thank you so much, Robbie. I know you don't like to advertise it, but you're lovely." She closed the door of the bedroom.

"Well, I wouldn't go quite that far," said Robbie thoughtfully. He went into Emma's room and put the DreamWeaver on the floor under her bed. "Your father," he said to Emma, who was watching him from the doorway with her finger in her mouth, "is up to something. There's something brewing up back home. And I want to know what it is. And, little Emma, I bet you've got some idea of what, haven't you? Do you dream about waterfalls a lot, I wonder? And stars that aren't exactly like the ones we have? People with ears just like yours?"

"Read dis," commanded Emma, passing him the copy of _Where's Spot?_ Robbie took it and shuddered.

"Not a chance, brat. Let's have a look and find something a bit more stimulating." He ran a finger along the bookcase. "I don't suppose your unenlightened parents have bought you a copy of _Strewwelpeter_…no, I thought not. Ah, here we go. _Alice._ My very favourite Victorian Lolita. Come here and let's go through the looking-glass together. Oh, for God's sake. _Must _you sit on my knee?"

"Yes," said Emma. She looked at the illustration of the Jabberwocky, and her eyes widened.

"What's _dat?_" she asked.

Robbie smiled.

"Oh, little Emma. My word, _now_ you're asking…"


	5. Chapter Three Claws

_**Chapter Three - Claws**_

"_If you take one from three hundred and sixty-five, what remains?"_

"_Three hundred and sixty-four, of course."_

_Humpty Dumpty looked doubtful. "I'd rather see that done on paper," he said._

_---_

(_Lazytown, two o'clock in the afternoon)_

"_It - is - a - most - provoking - thing,_" read Robbie, "_when a person doesn't know a cravat from a belt…_are you asleep at last, brat? Thank God for that." He lifted her gently into her bed and tucked the quilt over her. "Now. Everyone can have a little nap…and then I'll have a look at what you can show me about the folks back home. The perfect crime." He glanced over his shoulder to be sure he was alone, then gave her a reluctant kiss on her soft cheek. "You're not so bad when you're asleep. Sweet dreams."

He settled back in the chair and closed his eyes.

-----

"This really is unbelievably good, Nick," said Ruby firmly. "Honestly. We _have _to get this deal done. No way I'm letting these guys take this one elsewhere."

"You sure it's scaleable?"

"Scaleable? Christ, it's - it's not even particularly expensive. It's a work of genius, is what it is, and Red Giant needs to sign up to it _right now_. That guy over there is going to put us so far ahead of Apple, they'll be giving away iPods on magazine covers. Forget that bloody wheel they're so god-damn smug about. Reliable voice recognition is a quantum leap better. What I'd give to have him on my team, just for six months…"

Nick looked doubtfully over at Pixel, who had just knocked a cup of cold coffee over on his lab bench. He reached for a cloth to mop it up, and a stack of blueprints spilled into the coffee. At the same time, a small red ball next to the stack of papers began a series of bleeps that sounded ominously like a countdown. Pixel swore.

"I don't know if he'll talk numbers without that scary partner of his around."

"Cancel," said Pixel frantically to the ball. "Cancel. _Cancel! _Oh, shit…"

"He said he could speak for both of them," Ruby reminded him.

"So he did. Well, if he really can, that would make it easier."

"What do you mean?"

Pixel shot past them, holding the ball at arm's length.

"Back in a minute!" he shouted over his shoulder. Nick nodded affably. They heard the door slam, then there was a small explosion outside.

"Sorted," said Pixel, coming back into the lab. "Sorry about that. So…what shall we do next?"

"I see what you mean," said Ruby thoughtfully.

-----

Emma, Stephanie and Robbie slept peacefully in the afternoon sunshine. Stephanie lay under the comforter on the huge double bed, hugging her husband's pillow for comfort; Robbie sprawled in the rocking-chair next to Emma's bed; Emma twitched and murmured beneath her pretty patchwork quilt, her eyes moving rapidly beneath her long-lashed eyelids.

And beneath Emma's bed, the DreamWeaver whirred, hummed, and then began to melt, the plastic casing dissolving into a puddle on the polished wooden boards.

-----

"So let's talk about numbers," said Nick, looking Pixel in the eye. Pixel tried not to look terrified.

"What sort of numbers do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"Well, first off, I think we need to talk about margin."

"Margin?"

"Yes. Margin."

Pixel nodded sagely.

"Okay."

"So…what are your thoughts?"

Pixel stared at the ceiling for inspiration.

"What are your thoughts?" he countered at last.

"Excuse me?"

"I'd like to hear your thoughts first."

"Okay. How about thirty-five?"

Pixel looked at him blankly.

"God, you're tough…all right. Thirty. Final offer."

"Thirty?" Pixel had no idea what they were discussing. Thirty what? Thirty dollars? Thirty cents? Thirty pieces of silver? "Well…I'll need to think about that for a while." Nick, he noticed absently, had begun to look a little bit less like a shark, and more like…more like…what did he look like? Some sort of rodent, possibly…Ruby watched him in amusement.

Nick took out his calculator and began tapping furiously.

"Look, I can maybe squeeze it just a _little _lower, say, twenty-five or twenty-six, but I'll need some movement on the costings from what your partner sent over."

"Really? Stingy sent you something in advance?" Pixel smiled in relief. "Good. Can I have a look at it?"

Nick handed him a stack of papers and Pixel flicked aimlessly through it. None of it made any sense to him at all.

"None of this makes any sense to me at all," he said, deciding to be honest. A flicker of panic crossed Nick's face.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," said Pixel, pausing on one page at random, "what's this figure here all about? Here where it says _operating margin eighteen per cent_." Nick went pale: Pixel looked at him in surprise.

"Oh. You spotted - I mean, you found the - oh, well, maybe I was being a bit optimistic with twenty-five. It's been a long journey here, sorry."

"That's okay," said Pixel, astonished. "I just wanted to know, that's all. I don't really know what I'm doing, to be honest. Would you like some coffee? I'll ask Sophie to go out for some." He stood up and wandered across the lab.

"_Doesn't know what he's doing_," hissed Nick crossly through his teeth as soon as Pixel was out of earshot. "Not as much of an idiot as he looks, is he?"

"I think he might be, actually," said Ruby, smiling.

"Not a chance. He knew _exactly_ what he was up to - went straight to the right page of that proposal. _None of this makes any sense to me at all. _Sarcastic little - "

A terrible, unearthly scream filled the air. It began as a deep growl and climbed swiftly up the scale to a high-pitched shriek. It continued for several seconds, then gradually died away into silence. When it finally faded, Nick and Ruby found that they were clinging to each other.

"Jesus fucking Christ," said Nick. He ran his hands over his hair and found that they were shaking. "What the _hell _was that?"

"Maybe there's a zoo or something nearby?"

"What kind of animal makes _that _noise?"

"Did anyone else hear that?" Pixel and Sophie dashed in, looking pale and shaken. "I didn't get the coffee, sorry…"

"What the hell is it?"

"I don't know!" Pixel's eyes were wild. Sophie took his hand reassuringly.

"You live here!" protested Ruby. "You must know!"

"You think we'd live here if that had _ever _happened before?"

"Maybe it was just a recording or something," said Nick hopefully. Sophie looked at him with contempt.

"Firstly, no-one on earth has a stereo system that loud, and secondly…what do you think it might be a recording of? What is there on this _planet _that sounds like that?"

"Well thank God we've got Sportacus to - oh, no. He's not here, is he? He's _never_ not been here before, except just before he and Stephanie got together, and that wasn't his fault…well, and there was that one time when he went on holiday, but he left Stephanie in charge." Pixel looked relieved. "Maybe that's happened again. Let's go and see her. I bet she'll know what to do."

"We're in the middle of a meeting," protested Nick. "You can't just clear off and -"

Again came that terrible climbing scream, rising higher and higher, sending chills of the purest naked fear up their spines.

"Dear God," said Nick, and swallowed. "All right. Let's go."

-----

Stingy found Trixie sitting at her computer in her study, proof-reading the latest chapter of _Lover and Losers_. She had a pencil tucked behind her ear, a pair of clever-looking glasses perched on the end of her nose, her hair was bundled up into a severe bun, and she was dressed in a tightly laced silvery-grey corset and thick black stockings. Stingy stopped dead in the doorway, staring. Trixie looked up and smiled provocatively.

"Worth coming home for, Mr Millionaire?"

"Today isn't the day the housekeeper comes, is it?" he asked, trying to play it cool as he stared at her in pure longing.

"I sent her home."

"Dressed like that?"

"That's for me to know and you to daydream about. So…would you like a sandwich, Mr Hughes? Or I can make you a cheese omelette? Or…would you like to skip straight to the dessert course?" She took her glasses off and looked straight at him.

He was across the room in three strides. He had planned to take her up to the bedroom, but suddenly it seemed too impossibly far, too impossibly long to wait until he could be close to her. So instead he laid her gently down on the big, wide antique desk he had scoured the sales rooms of New York to find, and loved her among the papers and the glasses of water and the bags of pistachios that she liked to nibble on while she worked, loved her until they were both breathless and frantic, clinging desperately to each other, Trixie clawing at his back, Stingy biting hard and helplessly at the soft curve of her shoulder.

"Worth coming home for?" she asked him afterwards, as they lay side by side on the desk, panting and staring at the ceiling.

He looked thoughtful.

"More or less."

"More or less?" She bit her lip. "And here was I thinking I was the most important thing in your life…"

"Trix," he said gravely, stroking her face, "I was _joking_. It was utterly, totally worth it. I am - my God, I'm your _slave_. I'd come home from the other side of the world to be with you like that. But you know that really. Don't you?"

She smiled. "Most of the time. Sometimes even I have the odd moment of insecurity."

"Really? Good Lord. You hide it very well, Mrs Hughes." He stood up and reached for his shirt. "I should get dressed."

"You're not staying for that sandwich?"

"I'll eat it on the way." He kissed her. "Do you have any clothes you want to put on, or are you staying that way for the rest of the day?"

"Are you kidding? This is the most uncomfortable garment known to man. The second you're out the door, it's going back in the drawer."

"Then you'll be naked."

"And your point is…?"

He smiled and reached out for her again.

The monster's scream rolled through the air like a wave of smoke, curling around them and chilling them to the bone. It spoke straight to the parts of their brains that remembered life in caves and primitive shelters, shivering around the fire while the hunting animals prowled outside, a memory from a time when mankind was still a prey animal…

They stared at each other.

"What the _hell _was that?" asked Trixie at last.

"Well, whatever it was, I think you should get dressed in something a bit more practical before we go and find out," said Stingy grimly.

-----

Ziggy was wandering aimlessly across the square when the air was suddenly filled with a terrifying noise. He was humiliated to realise that he had instinctively leapt behind the bench to hide. _I am _such _a loser, _he thought to himself sadly. Then, out of nowhere, came another thought; _I wonder if Pixel had anything to do with this?_

He looked thoughtfully at the door of the office of Six Thousand Ideas. Then he stood up and set off across the square. As another primal roar filled the air, he skittered wildly towards the door.

-----

The first shriek woke all three sleepers instantly. Emma sat bolt upright and screamed in terror. Stephanie, driven by the purest mama-bear instinct, went from cataleptic exhaustion to wide-awake alertness in half a second, and was straight away kneeling by Emma's bed, her arms around her terrified daughter. In the rocking-chair, Robbie stretched and rubbed his eyes.

"Was that you, brat?" he asked, yawning. "I know children can scream far louder than anyone would imagine was possible, but really - "

"What on earth is this?" Stephanie reached under Emma's bed. "Ow! It's melting! Lord, what a mess…"

"It's melted? Damn it….no, don't touch it, it looks hot."

"Really? You think?" Stephanie sucked her blistered finger. "Is this something to do with you, by any chance?"

Robbie did a convincing job of looking hurt and offended.

"What on earth makes you think - _Jesus!_" Another scream tore through the air. "What the hell is that?"

"Monster," said Emma, sobbing a little. "Mummy, make it go _away_."

"It's all right, sweetie. We're going to be fine," said Stephanie firmly, stroking her daughter's hair. She looked questioningly at Robbie over Emma's head. He shrugged.

"No good looking at _me _with those beautiful big eyes, Barbie. The man we need is probably somewhere over the Atlantic by now. Looks like we're in this one on our own. Bad luck all round, I suppose."

-----

They all met at the entrance to the square, and after a short consultation, set off at a run towards Stephanie's house.

"Hello," said Nick to Stingy as they ran, panting, through the park. "I'm…Nick Smith, by the…by the way…I don't know if you…remember me…"

"Red Giant," said Stingy, then looked at Pixel accusingly.

"You _asked _me to handle it," said Pixel reproachfully.

"And then _you_ said you didn't know the first thing about finance and we'd be bankrupt in a week if I left you in charge of the deal!" He looked at Pixel severely. "Are we bankrupt? Tell me you didn't sign anything."

"Don't worry," said Nick. "He was doing…hell…you're all…very fit…you know that?…just fine…before that screeching started…"

They were all brought to a sudden halt by another scream. It seemed louder and closer than the last one.

"Are we running _towards _that noise?" asked Sophie, her eyes wide with fear.

"Let's just keep going," said Stingy firmly.

"What do you think it is?" asked Ziggy.

"Shut up," said everyone in unison.

"I'm just _asking_…I think it's a good question…why don't any of you ever listen to me?"

"This is not the time for your teenage angst bullshit, Ziggy," said Trixie.

"I'm not a teenager any more."

"Then don't act like one."

"I _don't_. You just keep _treating _me like one. I'm sick of it, it's time you all realised I'm an adult the same as you are."

"Ziggy! Do we have to talk about this _now_?"

"Youse lot is all runnin' the wrong way," said a pink rabbit, dashing past.

They all stopped and stared.

"I beg your pardon?" said Stingy at last.

"Trust me, pal, ya don't wanna go that way. That way - _mighty _bad." He squinted suspiciously at them. "Some a youse look familiar."

Nick and Ruby stared in disbelief.

"Don't know you two, though…or you, Blondie. Wow. Who knew? One minute I'm being tortured with cattle-prods, the next minute - here. _Man_, my life sucks. What?"

"Is that rabbit talking to us?" asked Ruby faintly.

"You think _that's _a problem, sister? Hoo boy, are _you _in for a shock. Where we all goin'? Ain't there some guy in blue around here gonna show up and fix it all?"

"He's out of town," said Trixie, dreamily. "Amazing, he's only been gone - what? - less than two hours, and already the town is falling apart…"

"How 'bout that little pink-haired gal? She available?"

"We're going there right now," said Ziggy.

"Yeah? Good plan. Let's go."

"It's back the way you came," Pixel pointed out.

"_Shit_. Oh well. Gotta roll with the punches. Let's go. I'm Bob, by the way. Nice to meetcha."

-----

They were in the kitchen when the next scream came. Emma clamped her hands over her ears and screamed in unison, her face white and her blue eyes burning. Stephanie put her arms around her and held her tightly. Robbie looked anxiously out of the window.

"Maybe we should make a move," he said. "That one sounded closer."

"What _is _it? What makes that noise? Where did it come from?"

"Monster," sobbed Emma. Robbie looked guilty.

"I can't imagine," he said firmly. "Come on, Barbie. Pack a bag. You're coming with me. And the brat as well, I suppose. My God, the things I put up with…"

"Where are we going?"

"My place."

"Why would we be any safer in the town?"

"No, not _that_ place, my - ahem - my _other _place…"

"Stephanie! Stephanie!" Stingy banged on the door. "Let us in!"

Stephanie opened the door. Stingy bundled Trixie hastily through the doorway in front of him. Pixel and Sophie followed them. Nick and Ruby, looking shell-shocked, staggered in, followed by a mutinous-looking Ziggy. Last of all, a pink rabbit hopped over the doorway.

"Wotcha," it said affably to Robbie. "Know who _you_ are. Where's the missus?"

Robbie stared.

"_Who? _Do I _know _you?"

"Like to think you'd remember," said the rabbit affably, sitting up and combing its ears with its paws. "Meet a lot of talkin' pink rabbits, do ya? You not married, then?"

Robbie snorted derisively.

"Hardly."

"_Nyet_? Huh. So it goes."

"Is anyone going to talk about the important stuff," demanded Nick, his eyes wild, "or are we just going to gossip with this ridiculous pink rabbit?"

"Watch it, pal - "

"This is my house," said Stephanie firmly, "so I suppose that means you should be talking to me. Does anyone know what's going on? We need to make a plan, I guess…"

"Thank God," said Pixel fervently, then paused. "Hey. Where's the crystal?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Stephanie blankly.

"Sportacus didn't leave you…you know, _in charge_?" He groaned. "We're doomed…"

"Not as dumb as you look, are ya," said the rabbit cheerfully. "Hey there, Pinkie. How you doin'? That your kid? Bet you're glad she wasn't a boy, huh? Imagine goin' through High School with a Y chromosome and hair that colour…" he hopped closer, and peered at her. "Sheesh, and if my bunny sense don't deceive me, you're expectin' -"

"_I'm_ in charge," said Robbie loudly. "That means you're all doing what I tell you. Got it? Starting with you, rabbit. Shut your trap."

"What? Why? I'm just _sayin'_, is all - "

"Because if you don't shut up, I'm going to kill you, skin you, chop you up, and make a nourishing stew out of your flesh and a dear little fur cap for the brat here from your beautiful pink pelt."

"What's the problem? Hey, it's not yours, is it? Bit young for you, dontcha think?"

Robbie raised a threatening hand. Bob cringed, then tried to hide it by pretending to look for something on the floor.

"Whoa. Someone's mighty touchy…well, okay. Ix-nay on the baby-talk. Gotcha."

"You do know you're talking to a rabbit, don't you," said Stingy quietly. "Look, I don't think this is the best place to - "

Another scream. This one was noticeably closer.

"Come on," said Robbie. "Let's go."

-----

They ran back out of the house and towards the meadows, Stephanie clutching Emma awkwardly to her as they ran.

"So…about the…the operating margin…" panted Nick, jogging next to Stingy.

"The _what_? Does this really seem like the time to - why, what was wrong with it?"

"Can't make…eighteen per cent…work…."

"Sure you can. Don't be ridiculous. Eighteen per cent is perfectly fair."

"Yeah, your partner…made the same point…"

"Did he?" Stingy smiled to himself. "Good Lord."

Nick wiped sweat from his face.

"Can't we…slow down…for a bit?"

"Wouldn't recommend it," said Bob, hopping cheerfully along.

"You've seen it?" asked Ruby.

"Yup."

"Want to tell us?"

"Nah. Spoil the surprise."

A small green pig charged frantically across their path and ran away into the bushes. It was making an extraordinary noise, something between a bellow and a whistle, punctuated by a sneeze in the middle.

"What the _fuck _was that?" demanded Ruby, pointing.

"That," said Robbie, looking dazed, "is a rath."

"A what?"

"A sort of green pig. It's probably upset because it's a long way from home." He looked down at Bob. "And I suppose there are some badger-looking things with lizard's feet and corkscrew noses somewhere around the place, yes?"

"_Now_ you're cookin' wi' gas," said Bob, nodding approvingly.

"Oh, my God…I didn't mean for this to happen…I didn't know…I know she's different, but how the _hell _did they all get out…?"

"Didn't mean for _what _to happen?" panted Trixie. "Is this something to do with you? You utter _idiot, _Robbie, what in God's name have you done this time?"

"Is it your fault? I thought it might be Pixel, actually," said Ziggy innocently.

"Oh, believe me, mooncalf, the idiot-savant over there had a hand in this too. So did you, come to think of it. Thank God we're nearly there." He pointed across the meadow to a giant advertising hoarding painted with a picture of a cow.

A shadow passed over them, freezing them all to the spot. They looked at each other with foreboding.

"Here it comes," said Bob, scratching behind his ear with his long back foot. "Nice knowin' you all again, maybe when this is over and we're all toast I'll see your alter egos back at the palace…"

"What the _bloody hell_ are you talking about?" screamed Stingy. "Oh, no…"

Everyone stared in horror. Emma shrieked once, and then hid her face in Stephanie's hair.

Hovering in mid-air between them and the entrance to Robbie's bunker was a long-necked monster, straight out of the darkest of nightmares. Thin, raggedy wings held it aloft; its eyes shone like pale lamps as it gazed at them. Its lips peeled back from huge tombstone teeth. The five claws on each of its front feet were as long as a man's arm. Its gaze fell on the little cluster of people and the claws flexed menacingly.

"What…the fucking hell…is that supposed to be?" whispered Nick.

"That," said Robbie wretchedly, "is a Jabberwocky."

The Jabberwocky opened its mouth and screamed.


	6. Chapter Four Vorpal

_**Chapter Four - Vorpal**_

"_I mean,__"__ said Alice, __"__that one can__'__t help growing older.__"_

_"__One can__'__t, perhaps,__"__ said Humpty Dumpty; __"__but two can. With proper assistance, you might have left off at seven.__"_

-----

The Jabberwocky looked at them consideringly, turning its head from side to side.

"What's it doing?" whispered Trixie.

"Looking for the weak member of the herd," Sophie whispered back. "It's working out which one of us will be the easiest to catch. Like all predators, it's basically lazy. Minimum effort for maximum reward…"

Stephanie held Emma closer to her. _If it comes anywhere near Emma, _she thought grimly, _so help me, I will tear its head off…_the Jabberwocky gazed at her for a second, blinked a little, and moved on.

"Maybe it's a vegetarian," said Ruby hopefully.

Robbie laughed mirthlessly.

"Does it _look _like a vegetarian?"

"If we all stay together," said Sophie softly, "maybe it will give up and go away. Predators often get confused when they're faced with multiple targets. That's why they go for the old ones and the young ones and the sickly ones…they stand out from the herd…"

"Where are you getting all of this from?" asked Pixel, fascinated in spite of himself.

Sophie shrugged. "I like the Discovery channel."

"And where's it going to go?" asked Stephanie. "If it's hungry…and it doesn't eat us…" she thought of her Aunt Bessie in her office, her Uncle Milford pottering in his garden, Molly and the other high-schoolers getting ready to spill out of the school and into the afternoon sunshine, and shivered. "No, we have to get rid of it. We _have _to."

"Open to ideas, Barbie," murmured Robbie without taking his eyes off the Jabberwocky.

"This is ridiculous," said Nick suddenly. "This can't be happening. I have _not _driven hundreds of miles to a small town in the boondocks to get eaten by something out of a fairy story. This is _not happening_. It's a _dream_. And so…"

"Nick, _no_!" screamed Sophie, but it was too late. Nick set off at a dead run across the meadow.

The Jabberwocky snaked its head around and flapped its wings once. In a second it was on him, and again its wild, climbing shriek erupted into the air -

"Don't look, baby, don't look," begged Stephanie, holding Emma against her -

Nick struggled and cried out briefly as its claws closed around him. It held him up before its face for a minute, turning its head so it could look at him with first one eye, then the other. Then its jaws snapped open. They heard the crunch of bone, and then a bright red spurt of blood, pulsing with the rhythm of Nick's dying heart, jetted into the air where his head had been. The Jabberwocky stuck out a long, thin tongue and lapped at it greedily, then tipped him upside-down so that his blood poured straight into its eager, wide-stretched mouth.

"Nick!" screamed Ruby.

"Come on," said Robbie firmly. "Quick, while it's distracted - "

"We have to help him!"

"_Help _him? It's eaten his goddamn _head_, woman! You think that's fixable? It's not going to grow back, you know! Come on!"

"Man makes a damn good point," observed Bob to Ruby, hopping after him.

Stephanie looked at the Jabberwocky as it hovered in the sunshine, enjoying its afternoon tea. One long sharp claw sliced down the back of Nick's suit and peeled it off him like a banana skin. Then it began to crunch its way pleasurably down his body, tearing off large, greedy bites.

_I'm coming after you, monster,_ she thought grimly, _as soon as I can find a suitable weapon. No way you're taking over my town. _Then she ran.

"Quick," said Robbie, standing at the entrance to the pipes. "In here."

They all looked at him incredulously.

"Oh, _what_? There's that _thing _waiting for you, and you want to get into this? _Every time _I have people round - look, do I criticise _your _front doors? Just get _in_! Barbie, you first. Put the brat on your knee. Come on. _Move_. Before it realises - oh, shit and corruption, it's nearly finished eating - "

The Jabberwocky had now eaten down to Nick's socks and shoes. It gazed at the two leather brogues in perplexity for a moment, holding them close to its snout to it could sniff them. Then it hooked a claw into each shoe and neatly extracted his feet, skewered on the ends of two claws like chunks of pork on a kebab. It threw the shoes away, plucked off the socks with its teeth and spat them out, popped the feet into its mouth, and crunched them with visible relish. Finally, it licked its claws and jaws clean with that long, thin tongue, and turned its huge head towards the little group clustered around the entrance to the bunker.

"Go," said Robbie urgently. They slid in, one after another.

"Funny sorta place to live," commented Bob with a twinkle in his eye as he hopped up to the entrance to the pipes.

"Fuck off, rabbit. _You're_ getting in _my _face for living underground?"

"Yah, well, _I'm_ a bunny-rabbit. It's culturally appropriate. Whoops, it's comin' for us again. See ya." Bob dived into the pipe and disappeared.

Robbie barely made it down in time. He felt the Jabberwocky's claws pass right through his hair as he slid down under the ground.

-----

Ruby was sitting slumped on the floor in the bunker. Her face was grey and she was shivering with shock.

"Is there a blanket or something?" asked Trixie, looking at Robbie.

Robbie looked around at the horde of people in his private sanctuary. Pixel was roaming in fascination around the bunker, picking up various gadgets and turning them over in his hands. Sophie slapped his wrist hard and he put them down hastily. Robbie's gaze fell on Emma sitting in the orange fluffy chair; he looked at Stephanie in pained outrage, then sighed and closed his eyes. _Anyone else but you_, he thought…

"You're very welcome," said Robbie crossly to Trixie.

"What?" she asked impatiently.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I _miss _the part where you all thanked me for saving your sorry asses and getting you to safety? I hope you know what a huge violation of protocol it is for me to even let you _down _here."

"Sorry," said Stingy, grimacing, but Trixie glared at Robbie in rage.

"Thank you? _Thank you_? I seem to remember, Mr Super-Villain, that you were the _only person _who knew what that - _thing _was, which makes me damn suspicious. In fact, now I come to think about it, I also seem to remember you owning up to having something to do with it arriving in the first place! So don't imagine that we're going to be falling over ourselves to - "

"I think I'm going to be sick," said Ruby shakily. "Is there a bathroom?"

"Down the hall," said Robbie gesturing. Pixel put an arm around her and helped her. They heard her feet pick up speed, a door opening, and then the sound of retching.

"Anyone else?" asked Robbie wearily. "I've only got the one bathroom, but I'm sure I can find a bowl or something…no? Well, thank God I'm not stuck with a total bunch of soppy idiots."

"She just watched her friend get _eaten_," said Sophie, looking green.

"Oh, he so was _not_ her friend. He was a _salesman_. They never have any friends. Just golf buddies and drinking partners."

"She still knew him!" protested Ziggy.

"And I've known you since you were born," drawled Robbie, "but that doesn't mean I'd lose my lunch if I watched you get eaten from head to foot. Sorry, and all that. What?"

"You're a monster," said Trixie, her eyes blazing.

"Why, thank you."

"See, you humans, you gotcha basic spectrum of responses to a crisis," observed Bob, sitting up on his hind legs. "Some - " he gestured down the hallway - "lose their lunch. Some lose their rag…" he winked at Trixie.

"We need to kill it," said Stephanie, prowling around the bunker.

"And some," said Bob thoughtfully, "lose all sense a proportion…how the hell ya gonna do _that_, sister? It's _huge. _And carnivorous. Trust me, gal, this one time you're at the wrong end a the food chain. I'm a rabbit. I can tell these things."

"We're safe down here," said Pixel. "It can't get in - "

There was an ominous jiggling from the hatch at the top of the ladder. They all shrank back as a clawed talon on a long, thin arm snaked down the ladder and flailed wildly around for a moment, before reluctantly withdrawing again.

"Want to bet?" asked Stephanie, with a grim smile. "Besides, even if we _can_ hide in here…once it realises it can't get in to us, where do you think it's going to go next?"

They looked at each other.

"So," said Stephanie, continuing to prowl, "somewhere in here…there's got to be _something _we can use to kill it."

"I wouldn't count on that," said Robbie darkly. "Mess with its head a bit, quite possibly. _Kill _it…not really my specialty. Sorry."

"How about this?" Stephanie rummaged briefly among the clutter of junk on the table, and picked up a sword. It was huge, heavy, almost as long as she was tall, and it shone brightly even in the dim light of the bunker. She picked it up, surprised to find that it felt good in her hands, well-balanced and easy to lift. On an impulse, she whirled it around her head in a perfect and effortless figure-of-eight. Everyone ducked.

"Where the bloody hell did you find that?" asked Robbie. "And where the hell did you learn to _use _it?"

"Just here on the table. Isn't it yours?"

"Amazingly enough, Barbie, no it isn't. Weaponry isn't really my area. And if it was, I can assure you I'd choose something a bit more practical. An AK-47, that would be handy right about now…" he looked at the expression on her face, and took it firmly out of her hands. "Not happening, Barbie. There's no way you're going up there. I don't mind sending someone else up, if it comes to it…but not you."

"Why not?"

He stared meaningfully at her still-flat stomach.

"Want me to spell it out for you?"

"Why do you think I want to - " she looked at Emma. "She's my _baby_ and he left me in charge of her and I am _damn _well going to take care of her, you understand?"

"Not happening. Be told." He, too, looked over at Emma, curled up in the orange chair, sucking fiercely on her thumb. "I wonder…"

-----

"Brat?"

She looked at him crossly over her thumb.

"Go '_way_," she told him.

"Emma, then," he said, sighing. "I need you to do something for me."

"No!"

"All right, for mummy, then. Can you do something for mummy?"

She stared at him blankly.

"Well, I'll take that as a yes. Worth a try, at least…." He looked around to make sure no-one was watching. Pixel and Sophie were comforting Ruby, who was sobbing hysterically. Trixie and Stingy were in muttered conference in a corner. Stephanie was restlessly experimenting with the sword once more. Despite its length and weight, he had to admit that it looked _right_; it whistled through the air and caught the light as it span. Ziggy was watching her and chewing on his fingernails. Only Bob the rabbit was looking straight at him, one ear cocked mockingly. "I need you to get a message to your daddy. Okay? Let him know that you and mummy need him to come home _right now_."

Emma stared at him for a moment longer, then turned her back.

"You actually think that's gonna work?" whispered Bob to him. "Who's the daddy, anyway? Oh, you're kidding me…_the guy in blue_? Shee-it. Didn't see that one comin', that's for sure…Christ, you folks…" he began cleaning his ears.

-----

The pipes began to rattle and shake. The Jabberwocky's bellow, magnified and distorted by the pipework, filled the bunker below.

"It's determined to get in, isn't it?" whispered Ruby. "We're all going to die, it's going to eat us the way it ate Nick - oh, God - " she scrambled to her feet and ran for the bathroom again.

"She's got a point, you know," said Sophie to Pixel. "We have to think of something fast. Surely if you and Robbie put your heads together - "

At that moment, the lights went out.

"What happened?" asked Stingy, groping for Trixie's hand.

"Nobody move," said Robbie calmly. "I'll get a candle."

"Mummeeee!" wailed Emma.

"I'm here, baby," said Stephanie. They heard a series of crashes and stumbles, and then an ecstatic squeak from the region of the orange chair. "There, honey, it's all right…we'll sort it out, I promise…"

"That's the first lie I've ever heard you tell, Barbie," said Robbie softly, appearing next to her with a candle. "That was the electricity going out. Damn thing must have cut through the power-cable."

"I didn't know there was a power-cable."

"Of _course _there is, you fool. How else do you think I get lights down here? God, you dancers…the point is, though, Barbie - the cable is underground."

"You mean - "

"I mean," he said, "that it's _digging_."

-----

They cowered together in a huddle in the near-darkness of the bunker, white-faced and wide-eyed. Above them, the monster raged and roared. The ground shook around them with the force of its rage.

"What the hell are we going to do?" asked Stingy at last.

"Send Ziggy out there," said Robbie firmly.

"What? Are you completely insane?"

"You'll go, won't you, Ziggy?"

"Sure will," said Ziggy, trying to sound confident.

"No, you bloody won't," said Trixie firmly. "You're not going out there, you're too - "

"Too what?" cried Ziggy passionately. "Too young? Too dumb? For God's sake, when are you guys going to realise that two years younger doesn't make any difference any more? I'm strong enough, I'm brave enough, I'll give it my best shot - hey, Stephanie, come back - "

"No, don't you _dare_ -" Robbie shot across the room and made a grab for Stephanie's ankles as she disappeared up the ladder, clutching the sword to her chest. "Come back here, you silly girl, you're going to get yourself _killed _- and _he__'__ll_ never forgive me - come to that, I'll never forgive myself - " He scrabbled frantically up the rungs after her and seized her around the waist.

"Let go of me," she said, struggling.

"Not a chance, Barbie."

"Someone has to go."

"It's not going to be you."

"Why not? You were going to let Ziggy go."

"Ziggy," hissed Robbie between gritted teeth, "is desperate to prove himself. Besides - he's expendable. You're not."She stared at him in complete disbelief. Then she kicked out sharply with her right foot. Robbie fell off the ladder and landed on the floor, doubled over in agony.

"Christ, Barbie," he gasped, writhing with pain, "it's a good thing I wasn't planning - _ouch_ - on having any children - " he glared around him at the cluster of people. "Can't one of _you_ stop her? Do I have to do _everything _around here?"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry - " Stingy leapt over Robbie and ran to the bottom of the ladder, but it was too late. Stephanie scrabbled up the remaining rungs of the ladder and opened the lid of the hatch.

A spine-chilling scream of triumph echoed around the room below.

-----

The Jabberwocky's huge head snaked around on its long, thin neck and stared at her as she stepped out of the bunker. Its scream should have chilled her to the bone, but instead it filled her with a strange, cold feeling of triumph. She held her head high and clutched the sword tightly in her hands. Its eyes, pale and staring, looked her up and down. Its tongue appeared between its lips and flickered as if it were smelling her. Near the entrance to the pipes, she could see the deep gouges in the ground where it had been digging, digging, working its relentless way down to the bunker below.

"Come on," she hissed, swinging the sword. "Bring it on. I'm ready. You just come over here where I can reach you and I am going to _take you down _- "

Its charge was terrifyingly swift. It seemed like no more than a heartbeat before it was on her. Desperately she ducked out of the way of its snapping jaws, and thrust upwards with the sword. She felt it connect, and then a trickle of hot, red-black liquid was running down the blade, over the pommel and onto her fingers. Her skin burned where it touched, and she wiped it hastily on her tunic.

The Jabberwocky screamed.

-----

"It's killing her," sobbed Trixie, white-faced. "It's _killing _her, I can hear it. My God, my best friend is being eaten alive by a monster and I'm just down here doing nothing - I'm going up there - "

"No you are _fucking _not," said Stingy firmly, holding her tightly.

"No-one else is going up there," said Ruby, her voice rising into hysteria. "I'd rather stay down here and _rot_, do you hear me? I'd rather die down here and _rot away here in the dark _than go up there and - " her voice broke and she began to keen softly. Sophie put her arms around her and rocked her gently.

Robbie was pacing savagely up and down the bunker, his fist pressed against his mouth, muttering to himself. Emma, curled up in an ominous foetal ball in the chair, appeared to be asleep. He sighed, and, on a reflex, checked his watch. It was just coming onto four o'clock.

Un-noticed by anyone, Ziggy, armed with a hammer and with a glue-gun tucked in his belt, crept silently up the ladder.

-----

The Jabberwocky paused and hovered in mid-air for a second. Its head snaked around underneath its long abdomen; it inspected the damage. Then its head came back up and it gazed at Stephanie. Its expression seemed almost accusing. She gazed back steadily.

"Stephanie!" Ziggy appeared next to her.

"Ziggy?" She stared. "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to help you," he said simply.

"_What?_ Ziggy, that's so unbelievably sweet of you, but - look, get back down there quickly before it charges again - "

There was a rush of air as the Jabberwocky flexed its mighty wings. Then it made its charge. Stephanie swung the sword high over her head again. At the last second it swerved away, out of her range, then dived straight down, claws outstretched. They flung themselves away, just managing to roll out of range. Ziggy swung wildly with the hammer at a talon as it struck deep into the earth, and heard the sickeningly satisfying sound of one claw splintering. The Jabberwocky flapped away to consider its next move.

"When are you going to _realise _that I am not a child any more?" Ziggy yelled, helping Stephanie to her feet. "Look at me, Stephanie! Look at me! Please! Just for once, look at me and see who I actually am!"

She looked wildly at him. She saw a tall, thin, lanky young man - _he really is taller than me_, she realised with a shock, _why haven't I noticed before?_ - his eyes bright, his expression determined.

"Watch out," he said suddenly. "It's getting ready to charge again - " he held up the glue-gun. In spite of herself, Stephanie laughed.

"What on _earth_ is that?"

"It's what there was," said Ziggy grimly. "Don't laugh at me, Stephanie, please don't laugh…if this is going to be my last hour on this earth, can I _please_ not spend it being teased…"

She took his hand and squeezed it tightly for a second.

The Jabberwocky charged them again.

-----

As they sat miserably huddled around the single candle, listening to the battle going on above their heads, Emma stirred in her chair and sat up.

"Daddy's coming," she said, smiling brilliantly.

"That's right, honey," said Trixie, mechanically. Robbie stopped his pacing and looked at her sharply.

"Where's Ziggy?" asked Pixel suddenly, looking around.

-----

"We're not hurting it enough," panted Stephanie. They were both burned where its thick black blood had dripped onto their skin as it flew backwards and forwards above them.

"I think it's realised we can fight back. It's clever…it's learning…"

"We've got to finish it off…_got_ to…if it heads off towards the town, it's going to kill everyone…"

"I know." He looked at her and smiled suddenly. "It's all right, Stephanie. I've got faith. Always a way, right? We can do this."

"How?"

"I've got an idea…" he suddenly dropped the hammer and the glue-gun, and ran across the meadow, away from Stephanie and away from the Jabberwocky.

"Ziggy, _no_!" she screamed in horror. He stood alone, a small brave figure, unarmed and vulnerable. "Come back here _right now_!"

He shrugged and smiled.

"Come on!" he called, waving to the monster. "Come and get me! Yes! Me! Over here! See the live bait? Here I am! Waiting…!"

The Jabberwocky looked at him keenly, registering that he was no longer armed. Its eyes like pale lamps swivelled in their sockets. It drew back its talons and began its charge.

The airship screamed through the air like a huge white bird diving, straight across the path of the Jabberwocky. It screeched in frustration and pulled up short, wings beating frantically. Sportacus leapt down the ladder and looked around. He saw Stephanie, standing straight and proud, the sword clutched in her hand; Ziggy, alone and defenceless; the Jabberwocky, ready to begin its next charge. It was the most terrible choice he had ever had to make.

"Go to _Ste__phanie_!" yelled Ziggy, pointing and waving. "Stephanie! Help her! _Please_! I can take care of myself!"

It had been the first instinctive impulse of his heart; he had only hesitated because of the long years of discipline and training that had ingrained in him the basic rule; _take care of the weakest first. _He looked again at Ziggy, indecision on his face.

"I know what I'm doing!" Ziggy shouted desperately. "It won't attack her because she's got the sword! You have to help her kill it! Please! Don't save me or she'll never get a chance to - "

The Jabberwocky dived, and instinct took over. He ran across the field to Stephanie's side.

-----

"Where is he?" asked Robbie, taking Emma by her shoulders and shaking her a little.

"Leave her alone," said Stingy furiously. "She's just a baby, she wants her daddy, that's all - "

"Oh, you just have no idea about anything that can't be reduced to dollars and cents, do you?" hissed Robbie. "Half of everything she is comes from _his _people. It's a goddamn miracle she was ever born at all! Do you even know what that means? Where is he, Emma? Is he going to be in time?"

"Daddy's up there," she said, pointing. "It's all right. He's here now."

Robbie reached for the periscope and pulled it down from the ceiling.

"She's right," he said. "The Cavalry has arrived."

-----

The Jabberwocky dived towards Ziggy. Stephanie bent her knees, and then, using every ounce of strength and every minute of the long years of dance training, leapt straight up in the air, the sword held high above her head. The bright blade danced through the air towards its neck. She felt the shock of metal against flesh and then against bone, heard it scream in pain, pulled back for a second, and then jumped and swung again, harder. _One two, one two_, she thought to herself, the sword humming as it travelled through the air, and then she was all the way through, the scream cut off abruptly, and someone clutched her desperately around her waist and pulled her away from the drenching flood of hot, burning black blood that poured out of the neck, away from the crushing weight of the head, away to safety.

"I go away for just _three hours_," he said to her, holding her tightly against him, "and this is what happens? It's all right, it's dead, you've chopped its head off - oh no, please, _no _- "

They watched in horror as the body of the Jabberwocky, propelled by the inertia of its dive, crashed heavily to the ground, right where Ziggy was standing.


	7. Chapter Five Impenetrability

**Chapter Five - Impenetrability**

"_I meant by 'impenetrability' that we've had enough of that subject, and it would be just as well if you mentioned what you intend to do next…"_

(Humpty Dumpty to Alice, _Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There_)

-----

Robbie scrabbled madly up the ladder and opened the hatch.

"What are you _doing?_" wailed Ruby, from the floor of the bunker. "You'll get killed, that was them being killed - "

"That," said Robbie, "was a death-scream. They did it…it's dead." He put his head out of the top of the hatch, and swallowed hard. "Oh yes. Definitely dead. Good Christ, what a mess."

Emma scrambled determinedly up the ladder behind him and climbed out. She ran across the field to her father, who picked her up automatically and held her close; but his face was white and shocked. Stephanie was kneeling at the side of the Jabberwocky's headless body, stroking Ziggy's face. It was peaceful and still.

"You made the right call," said Robbie, putting an awkward hand on Sportacus's shoulder. Sportacus shook it off angrily.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Hell of a choice to have to make. But you called it right."

"Robbie, he's - I've known him since he was _six years old_, and now he's - "

"_So?_ I'll be honest, I tried to send him up there instead of her. Sorry, I don't have your magnificent powers of persuasion; she got away from me. But at least it was him and not her. If anyone was born to be cannon fodder, it was that young man. He always wanted to be a hero, the great silly fool. I guess he finally got his wish."

"How _dare _you talk about him like that? How dare you? _No-one _is expendable, Robbie, no-one - "

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was I imagining it, or did I not see you make exactly the same decision? Your _pregnant wife_, the love of your life and the mother of your first-born child, or a slightly idiotic young man with no family to support? My God, if you're going to be ashamed about anything, then personally I'd be embarrassed about how long you had to think about it - "

"He's still alive!" shouted Stephanie. "He's still alive, do you hear me? Get over here right now and help me get this thing off him so we can get him to the hospital!"

Sportacus glared at Robbie.

"This conversation is not over," he said menacingly, and ran across the grass.

"Sez you," said Robbie under his breath.

-----

"He's out of surgery," said Sportacus, coming down the hospital corridor to where the huddle of people were waiting.

"Will he make it?" asked Trixie.

"They think so," he said. Trixie burst into tears. Stephanie put her arms around her.

"He was so brave," she sobbed. "He's the youngest of all of us, and he was the only one who went up there to help you."

Robbie rolled his eyes.

"I don't think I can deal with all this self-flagellation," he announced. "I'm going home. Has anyone seen that talking rabbit, by the way? I sincerely hope you didn't leave it in my little abode."

"He disappeared," said Stingy.

"What?"

"Right after the Jabberwocky died. He said he was in the wrong story anyway, he was just an anachronism and he didn't even have a pocket-watch. Then we just - looked around and he'd gone."

"Really?" Robbie paused. "Interesting…well, I'll see you all later, no doubt."

"You're not going anywhere." Sportacus stood in front of him with his arms crossed.

"No?" Sportacus took his arm and steered him firmly into a chair. "Ha. So I'm not. Any particular reason?"

"I want to know what on _earth _was going on. Where did that thing come from? What was it? How did it get here?" He paused. "And did you say a _talking rabbit_?"

"Oh, I think we can say it was a team effort, don't you?" said Robbie, stretching his legs out and contemplating his shoes.

Everyone stared at him blankly.

"Oh, don't all look at me like that," he said. "It might have been me that put the DreamWeaver under the brat's bed, and I'll freely admit it was me who read her extracts from _Through the Looking-Glass_…but who built the thing in the first place, hmm? And who gave it to Ziggy?"

"You _didn't_," said Stingy accusingly, glaring at Pixel.

Pixel looked sheepish.

"Sorry."

"So you should be! What were you _thinking_? After what we _talked _about! I've told you and told you, Pixel, you just can't build this stuff and send it out into the world - "

"And where were you when he handed it over?" asked Robbie, smiling. "Stingy? Trixie? Anything you want to share with everyone here about your little lunchtime _rendezvous_?"

"You're quite, quite disgusting," said Trixie coldly.

"Am I? Or are you just feeling guilty because you shamelessly bully your husband, just to compensate for your own feelings of insecurity? But then, of course, the _first _question for us to think about is why Ziggy wanted that thing building in the first place. How many years have you all been treating him like an annoying little brother who can't be trusted to do anything right? No wonder he's convinced that girl of his is only with him because it amuses her to watch his hopeless devotion. Although, of course," he added thoughtfully, "he may have a point there…"

On cue, Marie burst in through the doors of the hospital.

"Where is he?" she demanded, her face streaked with tears. "What have you all _done _to him?"

Stephanie took her kindly by the arm and led her up the stairs to the Intensive Care ward. The rest of the gang looked at each other guiltily.

"He's been telling us for years we never take him seriously," said Stingy at last, running his hands through his hair. "You don't think he went up there to _prove _himself, do you?"

"Or maybe he just thought he wasn't as important as the rest of us," said Pixel.

Robbie watched in satisfaction.

"Teamwork," he said under his breath, and stood up so he could sidle out of the doors.

"I haven't finished," said Sportacus menacingly.

"You never know when to leave well alone, that's your trouble. All right. What?"

"What was that you said about - about leaving a machine under Emma's bed?"

"Oh, that…damn. Well, okay. I wanted to see into her dreams, if you really must know. I wanted to know where you were, and why. She's got the gift - oh, you _know _I know about that, don't even try to pretend - and I thought it was worth a try. I never imagined the stuff she dreamed about would actually start appearing…she's got some_ power_, that brat of yours, I'll say that much for her. I guess combined with Pixel's technology it just…well, thank God she had the good sense to dream the weapon as well, that's all I can say. "

"Stop trying to change the subject. You wanted to know where _I_ was? And why would Emma know that?"

"Oh, don't try and fool _me_, Sportacus. You can't lie, you're a rotten bluffer, and I know all your family secrets anyway."

"Not quite all of them."

Robbie grinned.

"_Touch__é__. _So. Want to tell me what's going on?"

"Not in the slightest."

"I'll find out, you know."

"I seriously doubt that."

Robbie yawned.

"This could go on all day, couldn't it? Well, I'll let you have the last word on that subject. Time will tell. See you around, old pal. Oh, and by the way, you're welcome."

"For what?"

"I did what you asked…I kept an eye on your wife while you were out of town." He sauntered out of the hospital.

-----

Ziggy awoke to a sensation of crushing pain around his ribs and a splitting headache. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was Marie.

"Hello," he managed. He coughed, and caught his breath in agony. "Wow, that _really _hurts. What happened to me?"

Marie took his hand and kissed it gently.

"Don't you remember?"

"Not really," he admitted.

"Well, it doesn't make much sense the way Stephanie explained it, but…there was some sort of monster out in the meadow and…" her voice broke. "Stephanie said you saved the town. She said she would never have been able to kill it if you hadn't helped her - she said you were one of the bravest men she knew and she'd never be able to thank you enough and I should be proud of you - "

"Stephanie said all that?" Ziggy looked at her in amazement. "Wow." He looked at the clock. "Hey, it's seven in the evening. Have I been out all afternoon?"

"All afternoon - Ziggy, you've been asleep for _three days_."

"What, like in a coma or something?"

"No, just asleep. You woke up for couple of minutes every now and then but you just went straight back to sleep. The nurse said it was normal, but I was so scared…"

He wanted to put his arms around her, but just breathing was quite painful enough.

"I hope I'm out of here in time for your birthday," he said, coughing again. "Ouch, ouch, ouch…I don't suppose you know how I'm doing, do you?"

"You're doing brilliantly, but I'm not sure you'll be out in time for that," she said, smiling.

"But I haven't even got your birthday present," he said despairingly.

"Just come home safely," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "That's the only present I want."

"But Marie, I was going to ask you to - "

She laid her finger gently over his lips.

"Don't say it now," she said, her voice so soft he could hardly hear it. "Don't say it here. Ask me when you're well again. But just so you know…if you really want to know what I'd like…I'd like you to ask me in the moonlight…by the lake…with a bottle of champagne…and I'd like you to have the ring all ready…and the answer…" she kissed him again, so sweetly he thought he might be dreaming, "would be yes."


End file.
